Monday, November 16, 2009

Daisies + personal living tips

HOT living tips from FILM-

NOTE - my personal butt would make a fantastic pillow.  
HOT TIP - To make yourself more attractive to the opposite gender, make sure your butt is as pillowy as possible.  If this is not a genetic gift, like some of us fortunate souls possess, the make believe!  With maybe BUTT PADS

WOW POP!  is right!  Ladies and gents, you don't want a butt that is Zzz, do you???  You want a butt that is MMM!!!  And, also, you want some balloons.

NOTE - Always keep extra food in or around your bed, in case of unexpected company!  Or, more importantly, for yourself.  Snacks are important.  If company is uninvited, they should be ejected from your personal space as quickly as possible.
HOT TIP - When selecting bedfellow bed foods, avoid the following

I once spilled pickle juice on my bed.  The ramifications were serious.  I was forced to clean my sheets and bedspread.  Not only environmentally unfriendly as the waste of water goes, but a taxing exercise when you live in an apartment building with a sweaty laundry room.  It left me behaviorally unseemly and unhappy in emotion.  So, no pickles allowed in bed, ladies and gents. Also, never live in an apartment.  I don't anymore and wouldn't do it again if you paid me!  Unless maybe that payment was in snacks.  Or lots of money.

NOTE - Always cover yourself in your offending areas if standing nude in a corner with a garland of flowers on top of your head.  It's called MYSTERY!  Leave something to the imagination!  Why buy the brothel when you get the whores for free!?!?!?
HOT TIP - Never use butterflies, living or dead, to cover these areas.  Butterflies are terrifying!  They fly erratically and can maybe fly into your hair and you would have technicolor butterfly slime stuck in your hair and that would be too much for you and you could faint and hit your head on something and that could get serious.  Instead

Cover your entire body in newspaper and twine.  Never was any girl so popular as the one who showed up to the party dressed in newspaper and twine.

Why, she's the belle of the ball!  Boy, are all the other girls at the party angry!!  

One girl was so angry that she left alone (without a ride), went home and baked something, went to bed after playing with her Oscar and then rode her bike accompanied by her only friend, a neighborhood dog she kidnapped.  And you know why?  I think we can all safely say you do.

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