Thursday, November 19, 2009

orpah's favorite things!

Here is my weekly favorite thing!!  This week

What is so magical about a marshmallow?  EVERYTHING!  Marshmallows make everything better.  Be it film, cartoon or even real life!  You can melt them, microwave them, eat them, not eat them, pet them, poke them and more!

And who would the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man be without marshallows?  Just a man!  And why settle for a man when you can have a man made of marshmallows?  He'd probably expel a substance akin to marshmallow fluff from at least one of his orifices.

And he does!  Imagine if this white stuff came out of a non-marshmallow man!  You wouldn't want that on you!  Would you??  I wouldn't.  No thanks.  PASS.  But the fluff of a marshmallow man?  Heap it on!!

And let's talk campfires - without marshmallows what would they be??  WEIRD.  That's what.

I want nothing more than to feel like a small yellow bird or a dog with black ears when I sit around the old campfire with a stick and a marshmallow.  And I can't feel like a bird or a dog without a marshmallow.  Without that marshmallow I'm just a girl standing in front of a fire asking it to love me.  While I hold a stick.  I wouldn't love me without a marshmallow.  And I wouldn't love me just holding a stick.

NOTE - You have to love yourself before someone can love you, so get get yourself a marshmallow so you can start.  Unless you are unsightly in terms of weight or face, then you should probably lay off the marshmallows and just lay prostrate on the floor, waiting for the sweet release of death and/or a nap.  Also, that first sentence of this note isn't really true.  Plenty and most people hate themselves and other people love them anyway!  Just look at this guy

Just kidding.  That's a girl.  And she loves herself.  Because she should.  She is precious.
You, reader, on the other hand, should, maybe, possibly, and, probably, reevaluate your self.
HOT TIP - Ladies, when trying to land the man of your dreams, make sure a marshmallow is on the end of your stick, if you know what I mean.  I mean, no one wants to buy the whorehouse if it's full of empty sticks!  You want a whore on every stick in the place!  If you're buying that house.  Whores on sticks.

And you know what else is improved by marshmallows??  ANIMALS.

Imagine if you came home and your dog was turned to marshmallows.  He would never shed, he'd smell fantastic and he would taste delicious.  And he would most likely poop marshmallows!

This just in!  Orpah is leaving ABC!  She's making her own network, called OWN.  Orpah is super excited about this.

Not as excited about Tyra and vaseline though.  Nobody's excited as that.

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