Tuesday, December 1, 2009

the cage of confidence



It is no secret that I love Harrison. I would follow him to the moon and back! Actually, I wouldn't follow him. Since that'd be a creep thing to do. I would go with him if he invited me to join him on his journey to the moon and back! And not just because I'd get to go to the moon. Probably that'd be the last reason I'd join him - I'm scared to go to the moon. Have you seen those space movies? They scare the hot chocolate right out my nose. Especially that movie Sunshine.

And Cillian's crazy eyes weren't even the scariest part!  I actually don't even really remember if it was that scary or if that's just my impression of it.  
NOTE - Impressions are important, like first impressions.  Like when Tess meets Jack!  "Who??  What??  I don't know what you're talking about," you say.  So angrily.   Calm down!  From Working Girl, of course.  Starring the man of my dreams.

HOT TIP - First impressions are important!   So, when you think about yourself and what's great about you and come up empty, I have an easy solution - lie!!  To yourself or to those you meet.  Tess, for example, cut off her lustrous mounds of blonde candy floss hair, essentially steals a dress, and is under the influence of DRUGS!  Meanwhile, Jack just lies!  A match made in heaven!


NEW FEATURE 
SMART CHOICES
In Smart Choices, I will give you an option for living that would be a smart choice to make.  It could be a thing to buy or eat or smell or any sort of verb really!  
This week, for the LADIES-
If you are an aggressive business woman looking to solidify how serious you are, this is a good choice

Tess chose a dress with rhinestones - this is a good idea to get the attention of the crowd, but what do you do once you have it??  This dress, with the kooky sleeves of a cage, will make people feel they are in your cage.  The Cage of CONFIDENCE.  People will be impressed and scared!  You'll look like a real working girl! 
WARNING - Never buy a shirt that looks dirty or looks like it has blood on it.  People will think you're a hobo and will also wonder about the blood!  From where did it come??  WHERE?  If you're a lady, you know what that means!  And if you're a man, I don't know what you're thinking, since I'm strictly a female female.

See.  This is ugly and dumb.  And you're not.  And if you are...well...just because you're ugly and dumb,  doesn't mean your dumpy t-shirt has to be, too.
If you have no other shirt, I have a solution.  Go topless!  Sort of.  Do it like Isabella.  The right way.




So throw out your dirty, bloody shirts and invest in an enormous necklace!  It looks great!  


Now, back to the jimmies on my sundae: Harrison.  Gentleman & Ladies, take a page from Harrison's book.  Or many pages.  

NOTE - Be a friend to the environment.
HOT TIP - GENTLEMEN, don't wax your chests.  Ever.  If you're really hairy like a hamster or a lamb, work with it.  Perhaps a chest hair topiary?  Not to say to let it grow long and wild like Merlin's beard, but don't wax it.  The reasons should be obvious enough, and if they're not to you, you have my pity.
ADDITIONAL NOTE - You can wax your chest if you're making a point.  Like Harrison.



2 comments:

apocalypstick said...

whoa wait where is that awesome dress from? I NEED TO KNOW.

Laura said...

it's from needsupply.com!