Saturday, October 31, 2009

my feelings on


HALLOWEEN!!

I have not enjoyed outings on Halloweens over the last 6 years, as they have involved:
-girls expelling their innards on subways
-going to brooklyn for no reason
-accidentally getting trapped in parades in new york for hours
-the parades in new york making going anywhere impossible
-restaurants being too full to eat in in new york
-taking more than an hour to go 10 blocks in new york
-going to halloween parties that take forever to get to that don't cut the mustard, mayonnaise, or anything at all
-having terrible last-minute costumes as a result of vowing not to go out, then somehow ending up going out somewhere that's not worth even having a good costume
-spending most of the time in a car in LA
-being forced into a large child's Furby costume
-etc


So this year, I am staying home.  And if I dress up, it shall be for my own amusement and the amusement of those in my home.  If I eat candy, it shall be for my own expansion and not foisted upon me by party, person or stranger.  If I am terrified, let it be from my own imagination, reflection in a mirror, specter or spirit, the television's "news", or a murderer or like-minded invader accosting and attacking me.  If I am upset, let it be from emotional and or mental problems unrelated to a holiday I for which I would like to regain all my lost affections.  Just look at Heidi. She is having the best time ever!  One day, I dream to go out, as Heidi Klum does and throw myself upon the mercy of Halloween - as carefree and fancy-free as the next fat person.  But I don't think that this is my year.  This is not the year for me.  

Now, don't misunderstand me.  So far, it has been going well - I carved the above pictured pumpkin with monocle.  However his eye (as you can see) shriveled.  And carved some other pumpkins and things.  I have eaten pumpkin seeds and some candy.  

But I don't want to deal with the angry, crazy blue Heidi, who will no doubt emerge if I go out into Halloween with an attitude like a hot, wet diaper lost from its baby bottom, rolling free and wild across Oprah's face.  I would never want to upset Heidi or Oprah in that way.


So, Halloween, I offer up this photograph of the great Heidi Kum and husband.  An almighty apple with one leg and a similarly legged snake embracing it.  And Seal in a paper bag, houseplant, garbage and wig.  What greater honor and sign of respect can one give?  I don't know and I don't want to know.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I'm thinking

I'm thinking I should start a musical group.  Something like this maybe.

I want things

These things (are sold out but I want them) -

And these things (I don't want as much as I want real tea) -

Also, these (I like the idea, but I don't wear too many "brooches" cause just look at the word!  Also, I really just want the cat one) -

And this (because I spared the life of a slow-moving squirrel in a driveway.  But someone once taught me if you're driving towards an animal and you're gonna squish it, don't swerve since squishing just might squish an animal, while swerving or breaking can get yourself and others squished, which is most dangerous and unwanted)-

If you want or want to get me these things, get them here.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

NEAT!!

Not actually.  Not neat at all.  Actually, on the rocks.  WHISKEY ROCKS!




Instead of ice cubes!


You freeze them and use them as ice and you can use them again.  Or they keep hot things hot.  It's a thing that does more than one thing!  It does two.  Sensational!!  From here if you want them or want to get them for me.


And as long as you're there, you may as well get an Apple Master.

On account of it's pretty and green and called an APPLE MASTER!!  I'm an apple master.  Not really, but maybe one day.  If I had an apple master.  That might make me an apple lackey?  Maybe?  NO.  Cause I woollied up an apple.  Which makes me master of it.  I think.  TAKE A LOOK.  Later. Because.  Just because.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Pumpkin, Perhaps



I have completed this pumpkin, I do believe!  I might add a viney border around it.  And I suppose I'll stick it on a mason jar and stick some pumpkin seeds in it.  The background is more white in the reality of realities.



Saturday, October 17, 2009

pumpkin in progress


working on that aaaand


a pumpkin flower!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

apples!




This is the most delicious liquid version of apples.

A birthday card in progress!





 A sailboat in progress!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

lovable soundtrack




This movie was pretty. And had pretty music. 


and also

The Spring Fling Queen is always pretty!