Wednesday, February 24, 2010

no donna juanitas!

LOST and the Stain Heard Round the World or at least Seen on Sawyer's Bottom
This is from last week's episode, but I'm glad this series has finally decided to get real and clamber to new heights of terrifying realism.  I was a bit skeptical when Locke was transforming into a smoke monster or a smoke monster was transforming into Locke.  I was more than skeptical when time split in two.  I was very skeptical when people died and came back to life.  Well.  Actually.  I'm skeptical of almost everything on LOST.  But this has sealed all lips whispering about the reality this show creates.  Sawyer's dirty.  He's drunk, sort of?  And he's pooped himself.  Never has an actor gotten so "in my face" and surprised and shocked me than when Oscar-winner Philip Seymour Hoffman sharted.
And this blows Philip out the sky like Oceanic Flight 815.  This is visual and visceral.  I feel it in my fingers.  I feel it in my toes.  Poops are all around me.  They're everywhere I go.

Sorry to focus on such a distasteful subject.  But it is the dirt of life that grows the gardens of the extraordinary inspirations. 


Tufts is now accepting video essays as part of their college applications.  If my college had done this, I would have made such a masterpiece.  I think this is the best idea ever.  You could see how boring a person is or how fat they are or anything!  I know this video evaluation is nothing new, what with video dating from the days of yesteryear and what have you - and what is getting into college if not trying to hook and ensnare the man or woman of your or other people's dreams?!?  
If we could do this even for making friendships, that would be best.  If a person can't even make 1 minute of your time entertaining and worthwhile, what're they gonna do with a lifetime??  Or at least however long you're friends with them until you're done and it's time for them to go in the trash.  

Like, this kid.  I'd be friends with him AND let him into my university.
This girl, no.  Yoga + Shakespeare?   You failed.  Watch from at 1:10.  Those are the best moves.  Or, if you do choose to combine these things, don't be flopping around and doing sort of push up things and being generally sloppy.  But that's just one girl's opinion.  But keep in mind, this is one girl who does ExerciseTV yoga very occasionally.  Put that in your back pocket.
As this article says, "Videos are genuinely optional, he said, so not having one does not count against a student — and a bad video would not hurt an applicant’s admission chances “unless there was something really disgusting.”   What qualifies as really disgusting?  Do they mean liiiiike vulgar or gross?  What is really disgusting anyways?  Some people are disgusted by mystery stains on LOST, while others revel in them!  REVEL!  Some people are disgusted by cooked tomatoes or sun dried tomatoes.  Some people, the human body - their OWN body.  And some of those people, I don't blame them.  Have you seen their bodies?  I kid, I kid. 
Meanwhile, at Carnegie Mellon, they've been working on.
One's a Snackbot.  He says precious things like, "Hello, I'm the Snackbot."  PRECIOUS.  And things like, "All right, go ahead and take your snack.  I'm sure it would be good, but I wouldn't know.  I prefer a snack of electricity."  Snackbot - so crazy!  People and robots are different!  Some of these bots are flat out creepy, though.
No, thank you.  That hand is a barf and a half.  And in Europe they had a robot as a bartender who was not too popular - she apparently made wonderful drinks but told horrible jokes and chuckled to herself, scaring the bejesus out of customers.

I would make terrible drinks, tell terrible jokes and chuckle terribly hard to myself.  Just kidding.  I'd be awesome.

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