Tuesday, August 31, 2010

cave people and stuff

Who wants to travel to Sweden and stay in a cave/tree thing??  I do!!  Well, they're more like huts.  But whatever.

You can see a moose!
I'm going to pretend it would be staying in a cave.  I love cave people.  Like the Flinstones.  And the Flinstone Kids.  They used feet as motors for their cars.  And forced animals to be gramophones.   And their homes were caves made of rock - that's just crazy - did they carve their house out of rock?  Wouldn't that take a while?  I don't know.  Anyway, what we all do know is, I am obsessed with cartoon foods that look so good you can eat them.  Like that time the Flinstone Kids started an ice cream business.
Sure, it might just look like a beautiful creamy buttery vanilla splotch of color to some people.  But to me it looks delicious!  And other fake foods I would eat, you ask?  I answer:  Strega Nona's spaghetti.  Okay, so it's illustrated and not a cartoon movie, but who cares?  Not me.
And everything needs to come in threes - other than the acceptable number of pieces of bread in a sandwich, heads on a baby, or butts on a dog.  So the third illustrated/cartoon food that looks delectable is a cake from an episode from Winnie the Pooh.  You can't really see it, but this was the best I could find.
And I'm forced to mention the delectability of Pooh's hunny.  I never thought about how weird it is for honey to be in a tree.  Don't bees do the honey thing in a hive not inside a tree but hanging from it or lodged in it or some such junk?
You may have noticed my childhood readings/watchings greatly influenced my appetite for food.  For fake food I couldn't eat.  But it's probably why I love cooking/baking - so I'll forever be trying to make food that matches the magic of the above fakes.


The tree reminds me I was talking about cave-hut-tree-cabins.  For my cave-hut I will need a thermos with a cup built right in.  And why not a handle, too??

And then I will need tins for my food, garbage and leavings!
Also, it will be necessary for me to have the following bag in which to sleep.

WAIT.  Unrelated.  But WAIT.

Here is the coop de gracie.  coup de grace.  whatever.

And you've watched it and you're thinking to yourself - so what.  WHO CARES.  What's this got to do with me.  I'll tell you, you troubled cow plopper - it's REAL!!  I want it and I don't care how I get it but one of you is going to get me it.  It's scratch 'n' sniff wallpaper!  
Cherry - Banana - Tutti Frutti
And all you'd have to do from there is smear some cherries, bananas or tutti frutties on it and you've got yourself lickable paper!  Now, I know what you're thinking - how dumb are you?  Why not just smear whatever you want on the wall and lick it?  Or why smear anything at all?  Isn't all wallpaper actually lickable?  Sure, anything in this world is lickable if you wish or lick hard enough.

But it doesn't have the pictures of the stuff on it!  No, sir!  No, Sir Lawrence Olivier.  Unless...no...but yes...unless...you were to draw a piece of cake on your wallpaper and then slap a chocolate cake on top and then lick it.  Shoot.  Well, nuts.  Foiled again.  I wish I'd thought of this earlier.  

If wishes and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas.

Let's just forget our troubles and play hairdresser.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

how could you forget "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs" that damn book was the reason for childhood obesity in my school!