Tuesday, September 28, 2010

cotton candy and trampolines

At its best, life is cotton candy and trampolines.  That means fluffy and bouncy and preferably pink.  It means your teeth hurt and your hands are sticky and also you shouldn't land on your head.  If you have the free time and money to attend venues and events that sell cotton candy, you're in great shape.  And if you own a trampoline - you are the best and I want to be invited to the trampoline.

I recently discovered an old chalk board on which I had drawn my dream house.  This included a room made entirely out of trampolines, a pool on the roof, a tunnel to the atrium (NOTE - There is no atrium in the drawing), a snack bar (NOTE - There is no kitchen), an insane room and, naturally, a shoe holder.  I had some big plans.  And most of this still sounds appealing to me.  Oh, there's also a garden, though the rest of the backyard is TBD.  In real life people don't build houses like that...but I think they should.

There was that couple who built that puzzle type house.  And that had sorts of crazy fun garbage in it with secrets and codes and cranks.
Kind of how I imagine it would be like living inside of that temple from Legends of the Hidden Temple. Although I wouldn't want those terrifying people in costume jumping out at me.
That just seems like it would be the worst.  Though it would be kind of funny to hire a weirdo to live in a secret cupboard in your house to jump out at you, but only if you put some crazy broken ceramic (or probably plastic or foam or whatever, I JUST DON'T KNOW) monkey together again.
And it would be neat to be that weirdo because when people asked you about your job you could tell them how all you do is sit in a secret cupboard and wait for the day some dumb old jerks reassemble some stupid monkey and then the panel you hide behind flies open and you get to jump out and hand them a letter or a key or a cookie or something - YES.  A cookie - and your job would be a HUMAN COOKIE JAR!  So in your secret cupboard/pantry you'd have an oven where you had to keep fresh cookies going all day.  And the people living in the house would want to find you to stop the smell of cookies from going all the time.  I mean, I love the smell of cookies but I imagine you'd probably get sick of it.  And sick of the idea of having some weirdo hanging out inside your walls making cookies.  But I suspect I digress.

And apparently Bill Gates has a trampoline room - or a room that's got a trampoline and a 20 foot high ceiling.  So he's pretty neat.  And I guess all I need is lots of billions of dollars to achieve my trampoline room dream.  Bill should just hack that room out of his house and give it to me.  Do you really see him taking a break from whatever it is he does and just jumping around for an hour?  I don't.  I can see me doing that.  I have a good amount of free time and not enough trampolines in my life.  You know what I do have?  A pumpkin spice candle.

And it smells like pie whenever I want it to now.  I think we can safely say Bill Gates isn't the only one who has something about which to toot his horn.  In fact, if I went head to head with Bill in the whose life is awesome category, I think it would be a pretty tight race!!  Watch -

Laura v Bill
 ROUND ONE - IN XMAS COLORS!
Bill Gates gives millions to charities.  I used to bake cupcakes and give them to people just to brighten their days.
Bill Gates did that whole mess of computer stuff.  I once helped a friend drop a computer on the floor by accident and it lived.
Bill Gates lives in a magical funland of a mansion.  My house has ghosts who live in it - FRIENDLY ghosts.
Bill Gates has more than a million Twitter followers.  I have 2 followers.  And joined only because Steve Martin did.  And also Twitter is dumb. 


So, as you can see.  Bill Gates probably never baked anyone a cake - advantage Laura.  Bill Gates probably never accidentally hurt a computer physically and saw it live, while I accidentally drop all sorts of technology gizmos and they survive because I have an enchanted touch - advantage Laura.  Bill Gates would probably invent some zany ghostbusting device if he saw a ghost because he's smart like that, while Laura is a friend to friendly ghosts - advantage Laura.  It's better to have two good friends than a million stinky minions - JUST KIDDING - advantage Bill.

But I like Bill.  And I think we can share all the cotton candy and trampolines.  I really do.

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