DISCLAIMER: I like Facebook and check it a lot.
Facebook is the devil, as stated in the title of this post. Not the Devil like that dumb elevator movie.
If Facebook was an elevator that might actually be neat. And not the sexy Devil like in the remake of Bedazzled.
Or a sexy Devil like the original of Bedazzled.
No, Facebook is a stinky jerk devil. This is true for several reasons. Here I will say one or two or however many depending on how I feel.
1) Facebook makes people who aren't stupid look stupid and people who are stupid look more stupid. I realize Facebook is not real life, but it's a part of real life - so you should present yourself how you would in real life.
In the real world when you meet with a close friend or acquaintance and they query how you're doing, do you honestly bust out with something like, "My life is so blessed! I've been so lucky lately with all my amazing opportunities! I'm thinner than I think as evidenced by the fact that I thought my clothes were all size small but they're actually EXTRA small! And my job is unworldly! I can't believe I'm me getting to live my life and prance about all over the world and do the things I do! I'm so jealous of me! It's been a beautiful dream!! Also I got a puppy from my life's hero who I happened to bump into while parading down the boulevard of an amazing foreign land my blessed life led me to be in at just the right moment!" No.
There is a happy medium of these things in life, so there should be on Facebook. And when people I know post things like this my opinion greatly lowers. It's great you're proud of yourself or you're unhappy with your situation, but in my day we didn't go about airing our dirty laundry. That's not true. But I don't like dirty laundry. I don't want to know about your figurative dirty underpants and how they got that way. Hell's bells -- I don't even like normal laundry, nobody does. Don't think just because you've done something that makes it interesting.
If you've saved an adorable 3-legged kitten from destruction at the hands of a Disney villain come to life, that's something to toot your horn about. Or if you found out you had a long lost twin and you went to the same summer camp and were enemies but you bonded and now realize now you're better than sisters, you're twins - that's pretty cool.
Facebook isn't show 'n' tell and you're not in preschool so how about a little discretion or at least discerning judgement when it comes to what you want to share.
If I wanted to read about dumb things you say and hear your opinions and stuff that doesn't matter to most people I'd read your stupid blog.
And if you conclude you really do need to broadcast every little thing....well...that just makes me mad.
2) Okay. So I guess the main point is really Facebook just makes everyone look stupid. Like photos. I get it - you think you look awesome or someone else thinks you look awesome and they want everyone to be privy to such awesomeness. This awesomeness is rarely in existence. It's like Lady Gaga just showing one butt cheek. Not awesome.
And if you don't want to see photos of someone or reminded of their existence in the first place, you toddle onto Facebook and WHAM - you're met with a barrage of photos of people you didn't like in the first place, people you liked but who you don't anymore, people you like but who don't like you and your dumb friends who you see all the time anyway and who's picture you probably took in the first place.
Or someone you're trying to erase from memory and practically had just POPS back into your consciousness like an evil bee repeatedly stinging your brain, leaving lasting effects.
3) Messages about events. Are. The Worst. I didn't want to go to your event in the first place and I have to keep hearing about it and getting messages about it and seeing who all is going to the stupid thing. In real life you don't hippity hop up to people you barely know and say, "COME TO THIS BIG THING I PLANNED." Then go away for a day, then come back and say, "YOU BETTER COME TO THIS THING - REMEMBER I PLANNED IT!" Then come back 10 minutes later and say, "PLEASE COME AND OOPS IT ACTUALLY GOES TIL 5:30 NOT 5." And then return again later and say, "HERE'S YET ANOTHER REMINDER FOR THIS THING!! COME PLEASE COME PLEASE PLEASE!"
You'd look like a maniac. Facebook permits this maniacal behavior. And I don't care for it. Not one bit. So let's just stop with it. Please.
This has gotten out of hand. I may have written this while greatly in need of happy-making snacks and niceties. And this rambling may have come off negative and you might say, "HEY - if you don't like Facebook get out of the kitchen! Don't be so mean! Why you so mad!?!?!" And I'd say, "HEY - HEY - if I have to look at your dumb life and/or read about it - you can do me the same courtesy. Also, shut your face. And also - this is my ship and I'm driving it. If you don't like it you're free to jump out the ship's door while I'm speeding along the sea highway at anytime."