Saturday, December 18, 2010

xmas specials

I love holiday specials.  I should say Christmas, since I can't think of of any non-Christmas yet still winter-holiday specific specials.  Can't think of a Hannukah one...or a Winter Solstice...or whatever else.  Anyway, Xmas is the best smelling holiday, so it makes sense it gets the best Xmas specials.

Best smelling??  How can something be best smelling?  I'll tell you how - Xmas tree smell, hot chocolate smell, pie smell, cinnamon smell, minty smell, clove smell, hot cider smell - BAM!  I wish there was a way to smell things over the internet because I'd totally stick some sort of scratch 'n' sniff right here below this here text.  But, impossible.  For now...

Anypoops.  I love How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
It's seems silly to discuss Xmas specials, since who doesn't like them?  But I'm gonna discuss anyway.  The Grinch is a fat fuzzy tub of deplorability.  He is as green as a booger.  And he has a wonderful dog named Max.  And that spells XMAS!!!!  He wears no pants and his shirt is too small.  And that sings XMAS!!!  And he kind of looks like Jack Nicholson somehow, it's true!
And if there's any celebrity who truly embodies the holiday spirit, it's Jack.
And here is a fun fact!  The movie was directed by Chuck Jones.  Who??  Chuck Jones, you magnificent imbeciles!  
He is a scholar and a prince.  See him below with Boris Karloff!  Another gentleman's gentleman.  Man's man, lady's man, man about town.

Next  up, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

I remember watching this when I was little and there was an earthquake during the movie and the movie was so good I didn't even notice the earthquake and had to be physically moved to safety by another human.  That says it's a pretty good movie in my book.  I love every stinking thing about this movie and it looks amaaaaazing.
Everyone and everything in it is adorable.
It might possibly be that I thought everything looked like it was made of spun sugar and delicious cookie and pastry doughs...and it is possible I wanted to eat everything.  But in any event, nobody ever frowned at saying something looked good enough to eat.
But I think I loved it mostly on account of it being spectacular and magical and being the ocean upon which the Christmas ship sails.  

Next.  We have - no, not A Charlie Brown Christmas - on account for my love for a Charlie Brown special is entirely devoted to the Great Pumpkin - we have Home Alone.  And Home Alone 2, but that should go without saying.
Thank you for teaching me the joy of violence and the defending of oneself from predators.  It also taught me not to overdrink liquids before sharing a bed with someone - and also, obviously, not to share a bed with someone with a weak bladder.  Additionally, never to take a vacation with a group so large I could not notice a kid was missing until it was pretty much way too late and it was blindingly clear I was definitely some sort of terrible mother or mother figure.  It also taught me to beware Joe Pesci and seriously creeped me out about old men who hang out in church yards.  And then crazy bird ladies in Home Alone 2.  You learn so much from Christmas movies.

And, finally, Elf.  Because.
Because he eats spaghetti with syrup.   And this.
And this.

That's all there is.  There isn't anymore.

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