Tuesday, March 22, 2011

nancy meyers - god amongst us

This post is all about the woman - the legend - the filmmaker - Nancy Meyers.  When I first thought about writing this post, I thought I would begin with the first film of hers I was exposed to - The Parent Trap.

The Parent Trap starring Lindsay Lohan, in a time when she didn't look at least twice her age and kind of like
Not that Lindsay should be as fresh as she was at 11 but this is a bit ridiculous. 

Anyway.  It turns out Nancy effects on my life were even more far-reaching than I knew.  She wrote one of my favorite all time films - of all time it will stand the tests of it.  It's a classic - a classic that never goes out of style.  Yes, she wrote-
Jumpin' Jack Flash is marvelous.  And I think the only movie Nancy Meyers is involved in that features a black person!  And Whoopi is dynamic - she is a computer wiz and she's a tough cookie and she outwits and escapes evil murderous henchman AND she sneaks into a party as a Diana Ross impersonator!  Her dress almost gets sucked off by a shredding machine but she BESTS it.  And she manages to get a date by the end of the movie.

And also Private Bejamin and although I love Goldie, for some reason I've never been able to sit through that whole movie.  And then the hits kept coming with Father of the Bride, parts 1 AND 2!  Finally she makes The Parent Trap - and even though I only really really enjoy the part at summer camp it is all around excellent.  Nancy Meyers lets everybody know that older people have lives!
Love is for older people, too!  For very rich and successful older white people!  They can have it all!  Finally!  And I enjoy watching them do all this!  In their wonderful houses.  Their creamily interiored enormously exteriored crazy nutbutt houses.
Everything is fresh and young and new!  Even when it is older and mature.

In other words, Lindsay will never make it into another Nancy Meyers movie, as she is neither fresh nor young.  As young people are required to be fresh in Nancy Meyers movies.  She is no longer wholesome and/or like apple pie.  You have to be practically glowing!  These kids take showers everyday and change all their clothes.  They brush their straight hair and put on their concealer.  Even if they're a boy - in fact, ESPECIALLY if they're a boy.
Look at these healthy blonde children/young adults.  They never fight, are all super close and they wear only muted colors!  They never spill their food and their hair is all supersoft and they do awesome things like get married and graduate from college.  And drive hybrids!  Basically they'd be like your best friend from college who you marry and then you get to be the privileged person to comb their supersoft hair while they cart you around in their silvery Prius of the future.  

Anytoots - in Nancy Meyers world, as a mature person with unlimited resources you also get a neat job!  Like being a successful baker with a bakery
Or perhaps being a super successful writer with produced plays!  Or being a super successful film editor!  Or a maybe a super successful fashion designer!  Basically, once you are mature and have been married or in a relationship with someone else who is also successful in their career, you are automatically living in a mansion decorated in beige tones.  Your wardrobe also becomes drained of most color and pattern.
And I'm no liar - so I'm gonna just say I really really enjoy watching these movies that aren't about war or issues or real problems of any kind and are just about fancy ladies with fancy problems living in fancy houses in their fancy clothes!  There's nothing wrong with that.  Sometimes you just want to stuff your fat face with fancy cakes while you wear your fancy pants and have your fancy butler buttle you up some more cake.

1 comment:

apocalypstick said...

Oh my God, the children.

This is so dead-on. Love it.