Thursday, April 7, 2011

it's (not) okay

Sometimes I get so mad.  I could just slap Sally Draper.

So, after reading Almie's post it got me to thinking of whether I apologize all the time.  And then I got sleepy and found some sweet corn cakes so the thinking about it kind of escaped me.  But other thinking sprang to mind!  I fall victim to another different yet similar pratfall - the "It's okay" or "No problem" or "Don't worry about it" or other similar phrasings.

This is perhaps equally as bad as apologizing.  As it is utilized when something has been done that is not okay or is a problem or is something people should worry about.  Be it a large problem or a small, I tend to forgive and excuse people's moronic actions.  Which is funny, because I will then sit on the unhappiness that was caused by it and let it fester OR, perhaps worse, will let people think what they're doing is okay and they get to feel fine about being inconsiderate turdlings.

For a small instance - I go into a nail place today without an appointment and they claim they can paint my nails right away.  I sit down and the lady then tells me it'll be about 5 minutes.  Five minutes pass and I ask what the deal is and they say it will just be a little longer.  Fifteen minutes later I sit there, pretending to have things to look at on my phone.  And as fascinating as it is for me to read about Icelandic hot dogs or pylsurs - and I'm not being sarcastic here because I really love hot dogs -
that's not what I go to a nail place for.  Reading about the world's hot dogs is an activity for a library or for while sitting on the toilet.  Not for a nail salon.  No, sir.  So anyway.  

The nail lady comes over to me with the basket of things they use to widdle away at and shine up the keratin on my phalanges.  And she says, "I'm sorry."  And I say, "It's okay."  And it's not okay!  I sat for 15-20 minutes like a boob!  Like a big old boob!  Like a droopy, low-hanging, crepey-textured boob!  I have things to do and can't just sit around all day waiting for people to do their jobs!  But I say it's okay because otherwise I just have to nod or something?  Which seems totally rude somehow.

Perhaps I am an "I'm sorry"-enabler.  People would stop apologizing for trivial things if other people stopped excusing them.  Like if that lady had just plopped her big ole butt down and said, "LET'S DO THIS!"  I would have said, "FINE."  Or if she hadn't apologized I wouldn't have had to pretend I wasn't irritated.  I know I don't have to say, "It's okay" but then what does one do??

I'm sorry for keeping you waiting.
You should be sorry!  Now wash and pretty my feet!

That's probably not an alright thing to say.  Maybe something more like

I'm sorry I lied and made you wait 20 minutes.
I'm sorry you weren't sorry 20 minutes ago!  Now PUMICE MY HEELS!

That somehow seems wrong to...what's a girl to do?  Because I'm a classy lady.  And I can't just snap at people?  Or say something like -

I'm sorry your feet have been pruning in lukewarm water for 15 minutes because we told you to stick them in there and you thought we'd actually do our job when we told you we would.
I appreciate your apology but you've totally ruined my ~*experience*~ but I'm too nice to just leave and/or give you a poopy tip for being a jerk liar.

So in that way, it is similar to an "I'm sorry" as it is possibly some sort of programmed lady-response.  Like we're supposed to be agreeable and compromising and kind about all sorts of crap.  And that was just my response in a low-stakes nail situation!  

I say "It's okay" to all kinds of apologies.  Like when people are a half hour late to meet me places or when a date "forgot" his credit card or when people say they'll do things that are important and then they don't.  And there is more!

And none of these were inconsequential.  They were consequential!  But I guess there's nothing else to do but say it's okay, is there?  I mean, am I gonna stay all angry and grudge-holding even if I don't say it's okay?  If I could come up with something else that would allow me to express and somehow release my anger... perhaps, "It's not okay, but if you bought me a cookie or baked me a cake in the image of myself that would start to make up for it."  Or, "That's fine that you're sorry but it's still a problem.  Invent a time machine and un-do you being so dumb.  Or just give me five bucks."

Or.  Perhaps:

"It's not okay, it is a problem and you should continue to worry about being rude.  You stink worse than a dirty dog that stinks of chicken soup and Doritos sitting in an old boot.  And you should know, that old boot was dredged from the LA River and then sat in a hot stew of old Indian food and rancid eggs for two weeks before being gummily mouthed by a mean hobo and then passed into the hands of a horribly sticky-handed child.  And I hate you."

Sometimes I just get mad.  And I stay mad.  I stay so mad I could just stuff Sally Draper in my plastic dry-cleaning bag.
I think that's okay.


Andiwa said...

My friend flaked on visiting my favorite historical village today which we had been planning for A WEEK. And all because she went home with some dude last night.

We were supposed to go at noon and now it's 4 and I still haven't heard from her and I'm glad I read this because she is going to apologize and I'm going to have to tell her that only getting ice cream can make it better.

And I will not even tell her about the cute guy who I met at the thrift store because she never called because she doesn't even deserve to know that. So there.

Laura said...


Ice cream. And withholding information!! Score one - YOU!

apocalypstick said...

AW KADS! I like your response and I like your choice of gifs.

"And she says, "I'm sorry." And I say, "It's okay." And it's not okay! I sat for 15-20 minutes like a boob!"

I used to say "it's okay" in situations like these. Instead, I say, "Thank you" and resist from adding "it's okay."