Sunday, April 17, 2011

netflix, i hardly know ye

Netflix.  Is kind of a devil.  It is red and pointy.  I know I previously extrapolated on why facebook Is the devil but I believe there can be more than one devil.  Who doesn't??  How else do we account for things like Apples to Apples, "chick lit," the phrase "chick lit," and the continuing careers of Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson?
But Netflix is what we're talking about here and today.  To reiterate - it's a kind of devil.  I feel like it is sticking me with a trident sometimes.  Or whatever.  A pitchfork is what I meant.  I could erase saying trident but I'm an honest person.  And so I can honestly say that right after writing trident I knew it was wrong.  Because I immediately thought of Ariel's father.
Anyway.  So.  I love movies and watching them.  I want to watch all sorts of different movies starring all sorts of different people sometimes acting, sometimes singing, sometimes dancing, sometimes animated, sometimes.  And so Netflix seems like it should be one of the best things in the world.  And it is.  You can watch a ton of movies whenever you feel like it right on your computer.  It's like the future is here or's pretty darn tootin' cool.


Sometimes.  I cannot make a decision to save my life.  Instant Watch ends up taking up all my time.  But most of that, sadly, is not spent watching movies.  It is perusing the hundreds of options available trying to decide what to watch.  I know you may be thinking this is why there is a Queue.  It has a numbered order that lets you set up what movie you want to watch and when.  This was true in the days when Netflix only mailed me my movies.  Alas and joyous raptures, that day is gone.  Now the Queue simply a means for me to stick every movie I might ever possibly maybe want to watch in a place so I don't forget about it.

Then I feel like watching a movie and I have the time.  So what do I do?  I go to my little Queue.  Which is enormous.  And start trying to pick something to watch.  Do I want comedy?  Tragedy?  Musical?  Animation?  Documentary?  Mockumentary?  Comedrama?  Mockutragimusimation?  I know - I do go on!  Some of those aren't even genres.  But, oh wait!  They probably are in Netflix.  Because if  Classic Witty Spy Movies and Cerebral Romantic Dramas can be a things, I think anything can be a thing.  Anyway.

I start flipping from movie to movie, thinking I need to watch that movie right now!  But I want to watch something sad - but wait, that television show I've seen a thousand times is so funny!  OH - but that movie is famous and I've told people I've seen so I should probably watch it.  OOH - NO - this movie is supposed to be just divine - decision made.  WAIT - it has subtitles and I'm sleepy.  This movie could be the one - it has a young Angela Lansbury in it!  YES.  Wait - it sounds scary and I don't want to be scared at night time.  OMGZ - New movies to watch instantly - I have to see what's new before I make any decisions!!!!  NO - STOP IT!  I will watch everything in my Queue in order.  Because I really should watch Auntie Mame, it's only been at the top for 18 months...

It's like letting a kid in the candy store and saying - you're going to get to eat all of this at some point for a very low price - now choose what candy you want to eat RIGHT NOW.  And that would be way easier, since the obvious answer would be a fistful of Charms lollipops and then a Butterfinger.  Then a Crunchie bar and next some Red Vines.  Then a Nutrageous and on to some Starburst.

The point of this whole ramble is that eating candy is a buttload of a lot more easy than watching movies.  And both activities have equally challenging processes of selection.  I hope you've all learned something here today.


Jessica Yopp said...

But at least with the instant queue you don't have to deal with receiving a DVD, realizing you don't really want to watch it, keeping it for 3 weeks, and reluctantly sending it back feeling like a tool.

Sometimes it's a relief to just revert back to regular old television. If your only choice is between Keeping Up With the Kardashians and anything else whatsoever, it makes life simpler.

Laura said...

This is very true - I've had one DVD for 9 months. Yep. MONTHS. And I think I only have about 20 minutes left on it...

But I blame this on Instant Watch again, since I keep putting off the DVD in favor of basically anything else available instantly.

Karla Khodanian said...

Oh my gosh, I feel the exact same way about my instant queue! Seriously, that whole internal monologue you posted...I do that too- down to the "it has subtitles and I'm sleepy."