Monday, May 16, 2011

don't even know his name

There are some men in one's life who are very important.  They are what some call "life-shapers" or, perhaps, "people-molders" - not to be confused with "shape-shifters" or "moldy people."  You have no idea how these people affect you, until you forget about them and then, one day, BAM - they're back.  And better than ever.  But have they been given credit, where it is more than due?  I don't think so.  Because I realized something.  And that something is, I don't even know their real names.

One such great man is Carl Winslow.
Yes, Carl Winslow.  The father from Family Matters.  A police officer and all-around great dad.  Other than that time the boring sister when upstairs and never came back down.  That's kind of bad parenting.  He was a cop for crying out loud.  He probably shouldn't lose a child in his own house.  But this is a minuscule blemish on his otherwise stellar career as a dad and officer of the law.  He was a problem solver, had a bit of a temper with Urkel and he loved to eat food.  Okay, so I don't actually remember if he loved food, but he's pretty rotund so I'm sure he must've indulged in the occasional doughnut dipped in mayonnaise and peanut butter. 

You might say to me, "Your interest and knowledge of Carl Winslow seems perfunctory at best.  Did you even watch Family Matters?"  Did I watch Family Matters??  This is what you ask me??  Of all the questions to ask, that is the one you land on??  Well.  I will answer your question with a question for: does the dog I live with eat sticks of butter if they're left out on the countertop??  The answer to that is, YES - if she notices it.  And that is how I watched Family Matters - not religiously or even non-religiously, but if it was on while flipping channels and there was nothing better on, I'd probably come back to it.  If I noticed it. 

Anyway.  I'm off point. The point of this post is - last night I watched Die Hard for the first time.  And who should appear to me - but  Carl Winslow!!  He wasn't Carl, of course, but he was!  He was a cop!  But from LA (my hometown so I liked him better) AND he loved doughnuts!!  And I loved and trusted him immediately!  Even after he admitted he accidentally shot a kid and even after he ridiculously gunned down the nutty foreigner who managed to survive a hanging by chain and several explosions AND walk straight out of a destroyed building teeming with cops - he was still great!
And I realized: I don't even know his name.  His REAL name.  So the time has come to unmask the man, the leged - Carl Winslow.  He is

Reginald VelJohnson

What a kooky and amazing real name!  It sounds more like a fake name.  That's pretty cool.  And he went to NYU!  Like me!  We're both pretty cool, I guess.

Reginald is another great supporting men in the stable of supporting men.  You know, he's not the Urkel - but he's the fat Urkel.  You know?  I know.  I KNOW.  He's not the jewel in the crown, but he's like the little plastic combs on the crown that get stuck in your hair that hurt you. But they're necessary and help you hold that crown on - and you forget they're there.  Until you try to stop being a princess, then they stab at your head, reminding you how supportive they were.  Like Carl.  I mean Reginald.  

Reggie, my hat is off to you, sir.  It's off and thrown up in the air.  Because it's graduation time.  Today, I know your name.  I.  Know.  Your.  Name.

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