You know how sometimes you think you hate something, but then you try it again after a long while and you find out it's not true? And then you feel kind of dumb because you've totally been missing out on that thing? And then you feel great because now you can take so much advantage of your newfound love and abuse it until you hate it again?? YEAH.
So. This is about me and donuts, mainly. I know: how can I have hated donuts? What's there to hate? They're basically wheels of cake coated in sugar paste in some form or another. I love cake and sugar and ESPECIALLY paste. So what was the problem?? I'm not exactly sure. I think a lot of the time the glaze would be too sweet and the cake too dry. I would just rather have a piece of cake or a cupcake than a donut. There's no true science to this. The tummyheart wants what it wants.
Anyway. Recently I started trying donuts again. A bite here. A bite there. And I wasn't repulsed. I actually almost enjoyed myself. And then I had Top Pot in Seattle. And it was really Top. And then I had a mystery donut in Berkeley. It was really mysterious. And I LOVE donuts now. Sometimes.
And so we come to the end of our tale:
Sometimes there were people who were turds 5 years ago. And they're still turds today. Taking big jammy dumps inside the mouth of life. How exactly does a turd take a big jammy dump? Is a turd not, in fact, a dump already? Can a dump beget more dump? How would that even work? These are the questions that rumble my jungle in the dead of night.
If you can't stand the heat, get out of my toilet.
PS You are correct in assuming that "my jungle" is, in fact, my butt.