Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Sometimes I feel like Albert Brooks.

Soooo, when you meet people and talk to people about stuff you do, I find most people are just interested in themselves and how you can best serve them.  This is not necessarily bad and can lead to good things - since when two people are trying to best help themselves out they tend to accidentally work hard and do cool stuff for other people.

However, there are instances when you come against those who do nothing related to what you're doing and don't really understand what you're doing and you two have to find some sort of common ground upon which to stand.  It's as though you are two people stuck on a life raft in the middle of the ocean and if you don't find something to prattle about, it's going to be a very long silent and/or awkward wait until one of you dies and the other one can finally just eat you.

Sometimes I find if I tell people I write and they don't write and, in fact, don't engage in some sort of creative field at all, they just don't understand.  And they think their suggestions are helpful.  They think I'm clearly doing something wrong since they haven't heard of me in a larger capacity and they would be more successful than I was if they were doing what I was doing.  Or they think their ideas are so great but they just don't have the time!!  Or maybe they're making conversation and don't really care.  Anyway you look at it, they stink.

They suggest I write a movie about a museum - because, you know, Night at the Museum was so popular.  Or they suggest I write a book about their zany relationships because you just wouldn't believe it!!  Or they suggest I do something with singing and dancing. Or ask if I like and/or have I seen Judd Apatow movies - because those are really successful, so can't I just do one of those.  Or do I like and/or read whatever bestseller is at the top of the NY Times Bestseller List - cause those are fantastic and if I wrote one they would SO read it!  Or they say I can write about whatever, since everything's been done.
Sometimes, this all makes me feel like Albert Brooks.
Sometimes I feel like Albert Brooks in Mother, except even worse since I don't even publish third and/or fourth rate science fiction books.
Or sometimes  I feel like Albert Brooks in The Muse, except I don't even have an agent to tell me I've lost my edge or enough money to put up mentally ill Sharon Stone in the Four Seasons for even one day.
And sometimes I even feel like Albert Brooks in Broadcast News.  Because at times I too sweat profusely.

Albert and I share similar heritage, we both have curly hair, we both wear glasses at times, we both write...we're basically like twinsies.  So I can relate to Albert's plight as a writer/newsroom worker.  We're just doing what we do as best we can and people just don't understand!  Sometimes we both like being whiny and complainy!  Sometimes we just need to work things out our own way!  Sometimes we both just need to appreciate our mothers, find some inspiration and concentrate on our OWN business instead of someone else's!  We're human!  So sue us!  Skin us alive and call us luggage!  Put that in our back pockets and smoke it!

If you don't have anything helpful to say or you just want to make conversation, why not at least talk about something completely unrelated to anything.  We don't have to pretend we can meet in the middle.  Some people can't and some people can, and we needn't force anything.  We can still have perfectly acceptable conversations that don't have to be all about you and/or me personally.  We have opinions!  We aren't just things like computers who don't have emotions!  We can emote on a number of topics!  A couple good topics of conversation when one is stuck -

1) Would you have rather spent a week with the Flintstones or the Jetsons?
2) Would you rather rob houses or graves?

All's I'm sayings, is I maybe don't need/want peoples' suggestions.  I don't go up to you at your weird finance job or crazy doctor job or nutty plumbing job and say - "YO!  You should totally tell people to buy stock in apples.  Not Apple products - just APPLES.  They're sweet, they're healthy and everybody eats them.  Right?!?!"  Or, "HEY! You better take out the whole uterus as long as you're delivering that baby.  That's probably just easier."  Or even, "WHOA!  You know what people love about toilets?  When they flush!  You should get this one to flush - people LOVE that.  Why can't you do that?"

Let's just be ourselves.  We all have interests in things that aren't us.  And we can talk about them and everything and it will be okay.  We can realize we have nothing in common and not force ourselves to pretend we understand the other person.  In fact, our not understanding each other could make for a better interaction.
We can all have a good time without needing to rub our own poop all over the cell walls - you know?  Sometimes, you keep your poop to yourself.  Maybe people don't need your poop.  They need something else.

I just think it's possible to share oneself without punching someone else in the babymaker at the same time.

That's all.

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