Thursday, June 30, 2011

steak & hamburger ladies

Where are all the ladies who love steak and hamburgers?  Don't get me wrong - I'm really happy my eating preferences (for the most part) were finally captured by Amy Poehler in Parks & Recreation.

I mean, she probably doesn't really eat those things because it's just such a hilarious joke to put whipped cream on EVERYTHING.  So funny because it is absurd!  I mean, I've never put whipped cream in my coffee.  No, sir!  Not this gal!  Nobody would want that.  Not a person - not a dog - not even a bear! Because it's soooo crazy to put whipped CREAM in coffee.  As creamer.  That's just nuts.  Who would want to employ such an awesome time saver since if you think about it you're just gonna end up dumping a ton of milk or cream and sugar in there anyway.  Who would want to be such a little champion?  Such a genius?  Such a neat lady?  So.  Yes.  Moving on.

And, sure, you don't see me eat a lot of waffles but, OH, if I had a waffle maker!

NOTE -  By OH I didn't mean Ohio.  I never mean Ohio.

Anyway - I never see a cool lady who really loves steak or a hamburger.  I need a steak lady.  A hamburger lady.  A lady who loves steak and hamburgers with whom I can identify.  I guess all the strong ladies in the media are more things like cheese eaters.  Sandwich eaters.  Chip eaters.  The aforementioned waffle eater.  You don't get to see a lady going really crazy for a hamburger.  And, yes, hamburger counts as steak.  All cow is steak.

I mean a seriously cool lady.  You see all sorts of "sexy" ladies going around trying to ruin hamburgers by eating them in bikinis.  They're not even real "sexy" ladies.

NOTE - The ladies are in bikinis, not the hamburgers.

Here are cool ladies who should be doing more for the hamburger.
Mario needs to hamburger doubletime because he's a big girl with big feelings.
Natalie probably should've hamburgered here.  She wouldn't have been such a grouchy ballerina if she just hamburgered.
Tilda can manage to hamburger even if her dress is totally falling off one of her boobs.
Katharine hamburgers in b&w.  That means black and white.
Oprah hamburgers out of proportion.

NOTE - I would appreciate it if we could all start using "to hamburger" as a verb.  And I would steak up some ultra cool ladies, but I feel like to get to steak mountain we first have to ford the hamburger river without our oxen dying.  So take a note from these cool ladies who I've forced to hamburger and hamburger yourself.

We need more role models eating cows.  I know it's not all trendy like eating raw - chowing down on a living, barking sea lion.  And it's not all that hip like being a vegetarian and eating what the dinosaurs ate - ROCKS!  But it's a cause towards which I'd like to direct some attention.

Why, just yesterday I had a hamburger.  Made out of a buffalo, sure.  But what are buffalos if not hunchbacked hairier cows?  It's like they're cousins.  And if you can't eat someone, eat their cousin.

5 comments:

Amber Blue Bird said...

Amy is my hero. That video clip was hilarious and while I dont share her love for waffles I do eat french toast way too much. As for hamburgers, I am planning on hamburgering later tonight.

The Heart of the City said...

While I love Parks & Rec and can agree that sugar is a very good friend of mine, my ultimate food soul mate has always been the cheeseburger. Add BBQ Sauce or Honey Mustard, some grilled onions and bacon and there is quite LIT-RALLY nothing (another Parks & Rec ref, what what!)I would rather eat. I feel safe going to pretty much any new restaurant, as long as there is a burger on the menu. It is my fall back option everywhere, because really it's my first option everywhere. Except maybe if I'm offered brownies. Yeah, maybe I'm more like Leslie than I thought.
-Kerri

Laura said...

@Amber Nice use of "hamburgering." You get an A+ parade.

@Heart of City We're all more like Leslie than we think. We need to think less and Leslie more.

cristina said...

My friend and I went out to brunch (our favorite meal) one morning after a rough night and we each ordered a bowl, yes a bowl, of whipped cream on the side- and it was delicious.

apocalypstick said...

I'm dying, this might be your best yet.