Friday, July 22, 2011

salad is not enough

Hey.  Listen.  I love vegetables.  I loves salad.  I loved the play set I had as a kid that was wooden vegetables that were sliced into pieces with velcro on them and it came with a little wooden companion knife so you got to chop your velcro vegetables over and over again.
You have no idea how addictive it is to chop up a wooden carrot only to re-velcro it together again and again.  The point is - the other day I had salad for dinner.  Just vegetables.  It was simply not enough.  It was followed up by a small portion of pasta. Which, again, is something I've loved since child hood.  I loved Strega Nona and her spaghetti.  
I've mentioned my love of Strega Nona on the internet before so that means it's for real.  But salad and pasta are not enough.  I did have a can of haggis my mother sent me available to eat, but I wasn't quite willing to dig that deep yet.  And, yes, I did say a can of haggis.  She sent it to me in honor of the royal wedding.  
Or she was going to but didn't actually mail it so I just picked it up the last time I went home.  Haggis might be enough. Next time - canned haggis.  Always and forever - canned haggis.

The original point is: salad is not enough.  It doesn't cut it.  And I don't trust people who can eat a salad with no meat in it and decide they're full.  This makes no sense.  Unless, and only in very rare cases, that salad has portabello mushrooms in it, which as everyone knows are the meat of the vegetable world.  It just makes no sense how people cannot eat meat to me.  I know I just spoke of meats in my last posting, but I have since eaten more meats, but also vegetables.  And it just seems to me if you don't eat meat you're missing out.  You're like the kid at the pool party who doesn't know how to swim.  Or the weird kid at school who isn't allowed to drink soda.  Animals are delicoius for a reason.  They're also cute for a reason.  Like I wouldn't eat the cutest animals.  That you're not supposed to eat.
You would never catch me eating a dog or a cat or a panda bear.  No, sir - I will not be sitting down to a Christmas feast of roast panda any time soon.  But animals wouldn't eat each other if they weren't delicious.  And aren't we humans just big naked animals??

Last week- now this isn't for the squeamish so stop here if you don't like really gross stuff, but - Last week I was at the zoo and saw a chimp picking his butt and eating it.  For a long time.  Far too long to serve any purpose other than pleasing himself.  Are humans not the same?  Is not war the equivalent of a chimp picking his butt and eating what he finds??  If war is not that then what is it?  I ask you.

Anyway.  The point is.  If you come to dinner with me or lunch and just order some leafy salad with not even one meaty thing it, well, just know I think less of you.  And your brain.  Not that I eat meat all the time.  I'm just saying I don't see the point in not eating it.  And I love salad - but salad is not a meal in and of itself!  It's just a fact.  It's not.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. Like you know how you can ask any grandpa what his secret to a long, fulfilling life is, and he's always like, "Well I ate bacon and eggs every morning for 97 years". Grandpas don't care about salad. Grandpas lived through the Great Depression are thankful for delicious food! We should all try to be a little more like our grandpas.