Tuesday, August 23, 2011

i love lucy

Everyone know I love that Lucy. But here is another cool Lucy.

Lucille Bluth

From her parenting style, to her alcohol choices to her constant surprise at the appearance of Gene Parmesan - she is the best. Sure, she's not about to win any mother of the year cakes and prizes, but who really cares. She is zesty and independent and a fine example of a lady we can aspire to be.
I know she's supposed to be a terrible person, but I pretty much love everything about her.  And I don't think it's wrong at all to want to be like her when I grow up. She has super awesome clothes, nice hair, all her teeth are there and she is memorable.

I don't even know anyone who has a mother like her so I thinking becoming her is going to be a difficult journey. I know mothers who have awesome clothes. I know mothers with nice hair. I know mothers with all their teeth. I know mothers who are terrible. I know mothers who insult their children. But Lucille Bluth they are not.

The only problem with her is the 'mother' part. I suppose I'll have to settle for insulting those around me. Because babies are gross and annoying. They're like dogs and cats but not even cute enough to make it worth it. You can't even dress a baby up as people because it already is a people.

Maybe I'll just get a bunch of cats or dogs. That'll solve everything.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

to ears! two ears.

I know I was on butts last time. This time on ears. I was watching a movie with my mother and she noticed how tiny Ryan Gosling's ears were. And they are tiny!
Maybe he's got a big head or a big jaw or something so it makes his ears look small. But I'm pretty sure those suckers are just like little ladybugs on his big sunflower face. It's not a judgment or anything, it's simply a fact. Like how Clark Gable had big ole elephant flappers.
It's just how they're made. And people love them! So the next time you're looking at your big ears or small nose or pointy butt or funky teeth - don't worry! People like all these weird things.  These weird things aren't for everyone, but there's probably someone who doesn't think it's totally gross. Someone probably would really like it! Even though it's probably totally weird and gross. But it's awesome because it's you! So be your gross self. No matter how unpleasant. 

Watch Clark Gable sing and dance now.
He's like Audrey Hepburn in that he kind of stinks at both singing and dancing, yet we still watch him do it because he's adorable! If there's anything you can learn from celebrities it's that you don't have to be good at things to have people watch you do them. As long as you're like a fat cat falling on top of a birthday cake while you do it - translation: as long as you look delightfully cute you can do whatever you want. 

Like Lucy. From I Love Lucy. 
She was always stinking up the joint, musically and theatrically speaking, but people loved to watch her perform. The whole series is basically Lucy trying to break into show biz and Ricky not being able to accept the fact that Lucy is simply more dazzling then he is hollering away and taptaptapping on a drum. It's like, Ricky - cool ya jets! Lucy's just a fat cat falling on a birthday cake while you're just a table. A Cuban table! With no fancy cigar on it. Lucy is all cigar.  ALL CIGAR. No table.

I don't get why Fred and Ethel could get that, while Ricky couldn't. He was just so jealous. Seriously. It was unreasonable. He could've just made her a big fat star. Didn't he know the show was I Love Lucy? Not I Really Like Ricky. Not even Ricky's Okay. He needed to take a major  chill anal suppository. And she was always super supportive of him and he was all like, "Get off the stage! We're moving to the country! Raise these chickens! Don't bring that cheese on the plane!"

Jeez, Ricky.  JEEZ.

Monday, August 8, 2011

just butts

It's no secret I like my butt.  I like to refer to it as The Jungle.  And, so, it should come as no surprise that when I saw the Butt Bible on ExerciseTV, I was intrigued.  I turned it on and, sure enough, I liked it.  The host is a crazy Russian lady who says butt a lot.  She also tells you yoga is crap.  And how pilates is crap.  And how crappy everything is, except Butt Bible.  And she tells you how she doesn't care if you're uncomfortable and how you should have a sweaty butt.  Yes, a sweaty butt.

She basically talks the whole time. Which is normally something I can't stand.  But I didn't mind.  Mostly because she wasn't whining but was telling us how everything and everyone was dumb and all that mattered was your butt.  I can get on board my butt.

Anyway.  Speaking of butts: