Wednesday, September 14, 2011

which goddess are you!?!?!?

When I was little I used to take my mom's fancy night gowns, knot the sleeves up and run around the house like a really snazzy ghost. Most of these gowns had equally ridiculous matching robes, sometimes with furry and/or feathery trim. They were all made of silk or velvet or satin or really any fabric you want to stick on your face and just rub all around.

This got me to thinking that I usually don't get to dress like a maniac/Ms. Havisham/escaped god of Olympus/glitter explosion nearly enough. So I am going to start. But I need inspiration. I came up with a few different paths. And I will show and discuss them with you here and right now.

I think you can discover what kind of goddess it is you want to be. Whether you are lady or gentle man I think we all have a shimmery flamboyant goddess sitting inside of us just waiting to take a dump. Here are our options.

Florence Welch
~*Magic*~

I like Florence for many reasons. I love her music, I love how tall she is, how she wears clothes long enough to fit her tall body and how she prances around on stage. Florence is a good choice if you're looking to really shout from the roof tops how magical you are. Not how great a magician you are - though if you're really great at pulling rabbits out of hats that's super cool.

To emulate Florence is to want to throw glitter in peoples' faces. It is to want to run around in the woods and chase animals and be chased by animals in the midst of colorful smoke bombs. It is to want to one day get painted up like a zombie who looks just like the zombie dude from Hocus Pocus.
And, no - not all zombies look alike.

To become Magic like Florence all you gotta do is grow like 5 inches probably, then wear big ole flowy dresses or no pants at all, you'll wanna yell a lot and the most important thing is to learn to dance as though you're possessed. You can choose whatever you want to be possessed by: the moon, kitties, caterpillars or whatever. It would all work. You'll need someone to light you most of the time, so you're always bathed like some otherworldly creature. Or just dye your hair a super bright color so you always glow naturally. Lastly, make sure your skin can blend into your natural habitat so you can disappear and reappear at will.

Bjork
~*Space Visitor*~
Another good goddess option is Bjork. Bjork, like Flo, also loves to belt it out and run around onstage. I like how she channels her outerspace home planet through her voice. I love all her outfits and that time I went to see her in Harlem and almost got squished by a motorcycle gang while standing on the sidewalk. Bjork's a great leader from which to take notes if you don't want to be particularly coherent when you speak but you still want to be adorable.

Space Visitors like Bjork don't really understand our Earth culture, so this one's a little tricky. For example, you'll need to be ready to wear things that aren't necessarily clothes as clothes. Because, remember, you don't know any better.
You might just have to put the pinata you didn't quite finish on top of your head. But don't forget to first drape the shower curtain under it. Otherwise you'll just look silly! You also need to ready your brain for disconnect so you can best express yourself without pesky thinking getting in the way. Just think of everything you wear and do as a way you're trying to communicate with your home planet. 

If it doesn't make sense to everyone around you then you're doing your job.

Stevie Nicks
~*Mystic*~
I used to be really indifferent towards Stevie. But then she started to grow on me. She's kind of like a kooky witch who's gonna hang out in your haunted house whether you want her to or not. She's never gonna cut her hair and she only gets around by swooping in slow motion.

I feel to be like Stevie you might need to take up crocheting. Or maybe wear fishing nets as clothing. You'll need to practice spinning around in circles a lot and getting lost in your own movement. Carry around a fan with you to constantly make sure your hair and clothes are in motion. You want to look like you're always descending from heaven, basically. 
ABD: ALWAYS BE DESCENDING!
If all else fails just pretend you're a jilted ghost bride and that'll just about take care of it.

Nina Simone
~*Big Red/Sphinx*~
Okay. So I don't know much about Nina Simone. But look at her. Red enough to deem her the goddess of a pack of spicy gum. That's pretty red. Pretty Big Red.
And here she's a sphinx. I guess Nina will remain a mystery for now. A wonderful mystery to be emulated.


That's all. I'll show you which goddess path I've taken when it's been chosen for me.

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