Wednesday, December 21, 2011

where are your manners

Hey. HEY. I'm mad. Mad as a four-fingered fatty being sucked down a sink-hole.
You know why? People are being just rude. Rude, I say! It's the holiday times and I know people got lots on their plates and loads in their pants, but let's remember our manners - shall we? Here are some helpful tips:

1) You shouldn't be talking to people like they're bad dogs.

I didn't pee in your bed or poop in your shoe, so don't snap or yell at me for no reason.

2) If you're wearing sunglasses and staring at a group of people, don't assume the person you want to direct your question to knows you're looking at them.
They can't see your eyes! Also, it's cloudy. You're inside. Take off your damn glasses.

3) If you're in a left turn lane, pull into the intersection so more than one person can get through the light. Don't sit on your fat butt and not move after I politely tap my horn to indicate you should be going, and don't continue to sit on your fat butt when I blare my horn at you indicating you just let not one single person, including your dumb butt self, get through the light.

4) If I'm an employee in a store and I tell you the thing you want is out of stock, asking for it in a ruder way and/or insulting me and/or the store and/or just staring at me isn't going to get you the thing you want that you don't really need anyway.

5) Don't pretend you didn't notice the long line of people who are waiting in a line. We all saw you notice it and pretend to ignore it.

If you're thinking of being rude, just don't. Pretend like Emily Post is watching you.
You probably don't want her disapproval. And if you don't give to craps about Emily, pretend someone you would be embarrassed to be rude in front of is watching you. There's no reason to be rude! It's the holidays! 

It's time for cookies and scarves and merrymaking! So calm yourselves. For those of you who act like nice people, you're super cool. Now, let's talk about holiday cheer.

I LOVE IT! As a child I loved The Jolly Postman and at Christmas time, The Jolly Christmas Postman.
This is a great book wherein you get to read other people's mail, which is illegal in real life! It's so much fun!
I also really liked these books that came with charm necklace thingies. The original is just called The Magic Locket. But for Christmas I liked reading the wintry one, The Shiny Skates.
And my last Christmas book recommendation that is a book for children is Beany Wakes Up For Christmas.
It's about Scamp Squirrel making a merry Christmas for Beany Bear who's hibernating because it's winter, y'all. It's adorable. You should read it while sitting on this bean bag shaped like a bear.

In conclusion, for Christmas, calm down and have a candy cane and be nice to everybody. Sit on a pretend bear chair and read some kid's books. It'll all be okay. Merry merry. Jolly jolly. Holiday.

1 comment:

Amber said...

I concur! This is supposed to be the holiday of cheer and love, not crankiness and muttered curse words. Get with the program people.