Friday, November 18, 2011

robot makeover time!!

So the other day I realized I was able to watch Netflix and junk from my Xbox. The other day I also realized you can voice command my Xbox. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I can shout at my Xbox and it will do my bidding, within reason. It's not about to make me a pumpkin pie or kill that cricket in my bathroom or even tell me Netflix's suggestions for me are actually terrible, but by gum it'll Play Video 3, Fast Forward and Pause to my heart's content and like there's no tomorrow and like it's its job!

This got me thinking about great robots in history. And how they provide some good inspiration for makeovers!!!! And so we begin our journey into great robots and how we can look more like them.

Obviously, number one is going to be Vicki from Small Wonder. This is obvious because it, I mean she, is the first robot that popped into my noodle.

I really liked this robot. But she was also kind of scary. In this photo it looks like her human mom figure is praying for her. Probably because Vicki rarely smiled. If there was one thing I'd program my robot kid to do, it would be smile occasionally for appropriate reasons. But she's a good robot at heart. At circuit board, I mean. I don't think robots have hearts...

FASHION FLASH TIP: If you want to look like Vicki try some of the following looks.
Next up, a less human robot, but still ever-grumpy. That's right, it's BOX. From Logan's Run. You can find him in the sidebar of this blog!
BOX kind of had a one track mind and may seem somewhat evil and prone to trying to kill people, but he's just doing his job! Do you get angry with teachers for trying to make people learn? No! So don't get angry with BOX for being a grumpy robot obsessed with fish, plankton, sea greens and proteins from the sea. So he says 'sea' twice in one sentence - he's a regular robot, not a thesaurusbot!

FASHION FLASH TIP: If you want to look like BOX, try some of the following looks.
Or if you're more into seaweed than robots - go with this little number.
Then we have Inspector Gadget of Inspector Gadget. Okay, so I think he might not have been a robot? He has a niece, right? He's a dude who's also a robot? Whatever. In any event, the Inspector was cool because he had an arch-nemesis and a lot of cool gadgets.

FASHION FLASH TIP: If you want to look like Inspector Gadget, try some of the following looks.
And don't forget some gadgets. Stuff'em in your bag to pull out at a moment's notice. Or have them surgically attached to your feet or your face or whatever.

Robots are the best, whether they're trying to look like humans or embracing their botness. If people tried to be more like robots we would all be happier and more stylish. Or possibly grumpier and more murdery. These three robots have taught me that there's more to robots than just wires and junk. They can have interests - like the ocean or crime or wearing pinafores. 

I hope if robots go to college they have a class for them called Robotany. If you're a robot and go to robot college, please let me know if you take Robotany. It's urgent.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

why so sad??

Audrey Hepburn is always crying! What's she got to cry about? She's totally stylish and pretty and has a cool funny accent and handsome dudes are always in love with her. But she's always weeping! Take a poop. By 'poop' I mean 'look.'


Look at poor Audrey. Sitting in a tree crying. Over some dance she can't go to because she's just too dumpy and simple. This totally reminds me of the time I sat in a bush weeping while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I guess here Audrey cries because it's relatable. Who hasn't sat amongst foliage while tearing up over feeling left out? The answer? Nobody.


There she is crying again. This is more understandable since she has to say good bye forever to Gregory Peck. But it's not like she's sweating it - she gets to go back to be a princess and eating hundred dollar bills stuffed with caviar and whatever it is princesses do. Don't get me wrong, I'd cry over Gregory Peck but if she really wanted to she could just order him to the palace and hire him to count her bacons at breakfast or something. There are ways around saying good bye to Gregory Peck. But I guess I cry when I say good bye to my dog every time I leave the house so...

Audrey is also available in Crying High-Class Callgirl
Lovesickly Crying Model Bride
Depressingly Crying Dysfunctionally Married Wife
Sadly Crying Accused Lesbian Teacher
Hysterically Crying In a Phone Booth b/c A Man is Throwing Matches on You
Quietly Crying at a Train Station
Happily Crying Audrey

And many more! If Audrey ain't crying, it ain't a real picture show. I guess to be more like Audrey I should start crying more. 

I already cry a lot, so - just MORE. I can cry over salad, over filling my car with gas, over cold tea and hot pizza, over waiting for the microwave to do its business, over spaghettis with no meatballs, over meatballs that are really squares, over missing my favorite TV programmes, and   over other food-related issues - ultimately - I can cry over crying! That's the dream. That's the Audrey Hepburn Dream.