Tuesday, January 10, 2012

new year, new YOO-HOO!!


 I'm back and better than ever.

It's the new year. And I've been lax. Not on account of ex-lax though. I won't make that mistake again. It's not chocolate, folks.
It's not chocolate and it doesn't even taste like it for looking a whole lot like its evil twin. You will not turn into a happy little boy at night to a slightly happier boy in the day from taking it. Anyway. The point is, in this new year I think we all need to embrace our true selves.

This can mean accepting you're a jerk.
Accepting you're lazy.
Accepting you're a jealous river trolling hag.

I'm not most of those things, but I am some of them. And I think by embracing these so-called negative aspects of our personalities we can push through the glass cloud ceiling and on to a better future mountain. A good example of what I'm talking about is Madonna.

Everybody knows I love Madonna. This is a lie. I like Madonna a whole lot and then I saw her in a couple of concerts and then I loved her. This is not to say I will not criticize her. I admire her, but she terrifies me. I wouldn't want to look like her, but I think she looks pretty good for what she's going for, which is basically
cloud creature.

Madonna accepts that she is a constantly-changing, inconsistent, non-instrument playing musician she-beast. She makes it work for her. She doesn't fight it or make excuses, she celebrates herself all the time! And that helps others celebrate themselves. If Madonna gets bored she bends the world to her new will.
First she's all, "Here are my boobs - deal with it!" Then "Here is my naked body - deal with it!" Then suddenly "I like Indian things - and I'm gonna do yoga now - deal with it!" Next "Oops - I meant I like Jewish things!" And also "I love disco dancing and now I'm gonna dancersize and work on my Gollum arms - SUCK IT!" Then she's all "Oh, I have some kids, too, so here's a fashion line for them - BAM!"

And, guess what - people got on board. If you're yourself, people are gonna get on board. Hopefully being yourself doesn't entail being a horrible monstrous murderer - but even if that's the case, some nut job is gonna get on board. Or so is my understanding from the commercial I just saw for "Appropriate Adult."
This doesn't mean you give in to your negative qualities - it mean turning them into magical good ones. Madonna is crazy and she turned that into being a worldwide superstar. She could've totally just become your insane roommate who takes laxatives and will only eat chicken and then hides the chicken bones under the bed - but she didn't!
Madge came out on top. I realize we can't all have the iron will of Madonna, but we all have the tiny weak will to be a smidge better. If you're lazy - admit it! Deal with it! Admitting you're true self is the first step. Then you can choose to change it if you don't like it, or not change if you do! Easy as pies.

For instance, I like my lazy because it enables me to take powerful naps. It also influences me to make cozy sleepytime snacks like banana bread. So instead of deciding to not be lazy, I can decide to be lazy but also to be industrious. This seems like an impossible thing to be! But it's not. 

Just look at Madonna -  she's all like, "I wanna be an actress!" And she was doing it and loving it and but people were like, "Oh, Madonna - no! Please stop it." But she ignored them and was like, "I'm gonna do a musical!" And people were all, "Not bad, Madge." 

And I was all like, "Madonna's a good actor, guys - she just needs the right vehicle, like A League of Their Own. She's great in that! You wouldn't expect Keira Knightley to appear in a non-period piece laugh-your-butt-out comedy, would you? Meaning every actor has their proper place! So, Madonna's chosen a few weinerfilms to appear in. Big whoop. She's not perfect. But she did A League of Their Own just great so just shut up!"

So let's all celebrate ourselves! Like, I can be industrious under the right circumstances. Like the lazy in me gives birth to the banana bread in me, which gives birth to more baking projects, which gives birth to more creative projects in general, which gives birth to the better, richer me! And suddenly I'm wonderful because I'm lazy. Because lazy birthed industrious. Just look at Saved by the Bell
It was awful but part of all our lives and it thus birthed Saved by the Bell: The New Class and Saved by the Bell: The College Years
which were so bad they made people really appreciate Saved by the Bell on a whole new level. Make bad births good, y'all. But don't birth no babies. They're rotten and I discourage it entirely both in theory and practice.

Ignore all of the above if you really stink and have qualities I will never appreciate, in which case I'm not interested. PASS! Next.

So here's to the new year and an unexpectedly long blog on Madonna as inspiration.  Here's to the yoo-hoo.

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