Sunday, February 19, 2012

no but seriously - I will watch terrible movies

I will watch genuinely bad movies. Not even the it's-so-bad-it's-good kind. Just plain butts out bad movies. I don't know why this is. Some part of me inexplicably enjoys them, or I wouldn't waste my time watching them. I think watching truly terrible movies makes me a better judge of movies general. Like, you wouldn't know how wonderful Audrey Hepburn was if you didn't see how terrible Jennifer Love Hewitt was at portraying her. Probably.
So what are my favorite truly terrible movies? Let's start of with Get Over It.

First of all, let us note that Sisqo appears on this movie's poster. Sisqo. Of The Thong Song. And I think a dog is humping the title of the movie. This is basically about a guy who wants his ex-girlfriend back even though another more awesome girl likes him already. And his ex-gf is dating some guy who was in a boy band. This is all set against the backdrop of a high school performing a musical version of A Midsummer Night's Dream. 

The producer of the play/drama teacher? Martin Short.

It's crazy how awful the movie is. They do the thing where the boy character suddenly realizes he likes the girl he obviously likes so they do a montage of all their moments together as he remembers them. Even though it doesn't really make sense since shouldn't he just be remembering seeing her and not seeing himself as we saw them? I mean, I get it. But it's dumb.

I should also mention Mila Kunis ends up with Sisqo, I'm pretty sure.
And also Colin Hanks is there! He's so unamused. Zoe Saldana shows up in there, too. And let's not forget Vitamin C sings during the opening credits.

But will I watch this movie if ever I see it's on TV? Obviously and definitely. Because I really enjoy it. It has all the things I love in it - like plays within movies and dancing and singing. Even Sisqo can't ruin it.

A worse movie I really love? Bride Wars. This one has almost no redeeming characteristics, but again, I really like it. It's a mystery.
Even Kate and Anne can't even bother to look sincere in this poster. This movie is about BFFs who end up having to have their weddings on the same day in the same hotel and since neither will move their wedding, they end up trying to sabotage each other's special day. It's just kooky! Since Kate's character is a bossy bitchface whereas Anne's character is a lame pushoverface. They're so different it's bound to be wacky! And, boy howdy, is it ever!!

Look what they do to each other.
OMGZ Anne has an awful tan and Kate's hair is so blue!! YIKES! Yet for some reason, I still like this awful awful film. It does have some genuinely unterrible parts - like the fact that Anne was making Kate fat by pretending Kate's fiance was ordering treats for her from the Jolly Walrus Cookie Company and the International Butter Club. I mean, I wish those two companies were real because I want them. There's a mostly disappointing dance off.
Why is Kate Hudson so confused as to what dancing is? This could've been a big winner of a scene for me. But no such luck.

I also eventually realized the guy who plays Andy in Parks and Rec plays Anne's fiancee, so I really like that.

One more truly awful movie I like? Just My Luck starring Lindsay Lohan and Chris Pine. 

Just look at how hard Lindsay is winking. How could this possibly go wrong?? This movie's plot is so dumb it's painful. Lindsay is super lucky while Chris Pine is not. They are strangers. Then at a party some magical mystical poohaha happens where Lindsay and Chris kiss and their luck switches!! OH NO!!


All these terrible things happen to Lindsay where she loses her job and has to get a new one. Chris runs into her and helps her get a job at a bowling alley. But she's terrible at it because she wears heels!! Eventually she figures it out and other stuff happens like she eats a stranger's bacon in a restaurant because she has no money and is hungry. And she falls face first into mud. And drops her contact in cat poo and wears it anyway. She tries to get her luck back by kissing a bunch of weirdos because she figures out she lost her luck by kissing. There's also a precocious child and a scene where she turns a laundry room into a bubble bath - WUH OH!!

It's awful. But I saw it in the theatre. With my mom. Yes, I did. And it taught me to not kiss someone unless their really lucky. And I'll watch it if it's on TV. I just will.

Apparently this movie stinks so bad nobody bothered to put any clips of it on youtube other than the trailer. So enjoy. Because I sadly yet truly did.

I hope you all will embrace your love of truly terrible movies as I have. THE END!

2 comments:

Tish said...

Okay, the first two look bad, but I will admit that I also saw Just My Luck in the theatre. If I recall correctly- it was because my friend and I wanted to go to the movies but that was the only thing we kinda-wanted to see.
Turns out we pretty much loved it. We become obsessed with the band in the movie, McFly, and practically wet ourselves when we waited for the song credits to see if they were a real band and they were! I still listen to their music and love them because they're super cute and British.
So, maybe I don't love the movie so much as I love early McFly...
Although, I do actually own the movie on DVD...

Laura said...

Ha! Just saw your comment. That is awesome. I kind of wish I had the dvd...