Tuesday, January 8, 2013

neil patrick harris has no toes!

Happy New Year!! I think I'd stick to new year's resolutions way more if they were called POO year resolutions. Just kidding. I'm an adult. Feces isn't funny.

As I write this I'm sitting at work and my hands are freezing because there's no heat. I forget this every time I dress for work and I'm obviously just a dumb bum cake crumb because everyone knows you should have to wear gloves to work when you have an indoor job.

Do they make typing gloves? I'd buy them if they did. You could just wear regular gloves and call them typing gloves, but I'm really in the mood to waste my money on typing-activity-specific gloves called typing gloves.

They make driving gloves. Those are kind of close to what I want. Like these Ryan Gosling wears in Drive.
Those are classy and might work as typing gloves.

Or maybe I should invest in something more flamboyant, like opera gloves. In hot pink.
You know, to match my big splashy personality. And I could never lose them if they were super long and hot pink.

Or maybe the problem is designers not building gloves into our clothes already. I think maybe something like this might be just what I need:
Sure, the nails might be a tad impractical for typing, but we'll never know til we try it out! They're probably also super impractical when it comes to using the toilet. And nothing's more important to me than the ease of my toilet-ing. So perhaps not ideal.

Seriously though, my hands are going numb. It makes me think of this terrible TV movie I saw that scarred me for life where Neil Patrick Harris, his wife, and their baby get trapped in their car in the snow and decide to go for help but they're in the middle of nowhere.

All I remember is they all almost freeze to death and get horrible horrible frostbite and have to keep their baby warm by dragging it behind them in a garment bag they happen to have with them.

After researching for all of three seconds I have discovered the film was based on a true story and was called Snowbound: The Jim and Jennifer Stolpa Story. And I totally thought I imagined the end where both the parents end up needing to get bits of their frostbitten feet cut off, but I didn't! It happened. All their toes! Gone! Chopped off to prevent body rot! But they still got to walk on the beach at the end of the movie, which was apparently what the whole thing was about according to my muddy memory. Or maybe they rolled along the beach cause it must be super hard to walk without toes, not to mention how much harder it must be on sand.

Dumb sand. Anyway, chopped off toes. What. the. what.

Where were my parents to stop my 9-year old self from watching this? 

And after a tiny bit more research on the real people who survived this - this is my favorite part of their story, before the TV movie was made:

The roles are not cast, but the Stolpas like to dream about who will play their parts.
He would choose somebody strong, such as Jean-Claude Van Damme. She would select Demi Moore, "because she's so cute and tiny and she really cries pretty," she said. "There's a lot of crying in this movie."

Well. NPH is basically like Jean-Claude if you think about it.
Anyway, the real point of this is that evidently I will never be driving through the snow and if I did I certainly wouldn't drive off into the wilderness because the highway was closed. And also I'd bring lots of warm socks, snacks, blankets, a couple weapons, a phone, a radio thingy, no babies, a stronger travel companion, mittens, and gloves to go over my mittens.

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