Fun fact - I just received my marks for the chunk of manuscript I finished at my MA program and though I still have no idea how the UK grading system works, I'm told it was a very good mark! And that I maybe probably definitely have way too much cursing and that my leading lady is "bolshie."
FUNNER FACT - "Bolshie" is, according to Google, (of a person or attitude) deliberately combative or uncooperative."policemen with bolshie attitudes"I assume it had something to do with a Bolshevik. Which I guess it kind of does, but whatever. Anyway, I'm takin' it as a compliment.
I learned a lot. I'm gonna share some garbage.
Here are some tips for how to write your book like a mother flippin' genius:
1) Start your story later than you think.
2) Do more of the showing and less of the telling.
Think about the movies! Would you rather watch two characters talk about the time they tamed two bears and rode them from Alaska to Mexico City or would you rather see it? I mean, if it was like Werner Herzog and Christopher Walken I'd want it both ways, but you get the picture.
3) Share your work with others.
4) Use spellcheck.
Treat spellcheck like it's your gosh-darned Wonderwall.
5) Say 'maybe' more often
But if you really do hate listening to other people say anything at all about your work and just wanna do your own thing entirely, which I think is not at all genius-level thinking but honestly do whatever the flip you want, it's your ham sandwich of a life, just pretend to be slightly more agreeable on the outside. Out loud, be all like, "Maybe, dudette." And in your head just be like, "Eff that crap hurricane of a suggestion up the wiz-wang. Imma do my own thang." So you still look good. It's all about lookin' good.
That's 5 tips and 5 is a fantastic number so that's all for now, folks.
High five, everybody. High. Five.